Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
