I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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