Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
