I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
