and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
