So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
