I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
