Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
