you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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