im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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