I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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