i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
