he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
