you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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