Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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