Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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