He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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