I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
