my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
did you just send me my own nude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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