I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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