my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
