is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
