just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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