Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
