we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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