Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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