even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
