i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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