if only i could text you this smell
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
