Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
