just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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