I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think i got beer on your cat.
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