don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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