Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
