I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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