Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize