Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
