my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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