I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
