I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
