Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
