another moral hangover. fuck.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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