I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
