matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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