Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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