Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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