i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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