as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
