4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
