you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize