Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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