Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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