At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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