I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
