saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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