Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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