I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
