i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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